Rainy Days ☁

I recently read a post that someone wrote about their anxiety and stress,and how they dealt with it and it got me thinking that it's something that I've been wanting to talk/write about for a while now. It all started around my sons birthday in September, I started feeling really sad and stressed about many things that were going on in my life. At times I would start crying to myself (my son and I would be home alone) trying to hide myself and not let my son see or let anyone know. I really didn't know what was going on I felt really lonely. I started to get irregular cycles towards the end of September, my husband and I even thought we were expecting because we got a really light positive test...turned out to be a false positive. After that it added more stress because i thought well maybe I did something wrong and started asking myself, "what if I was pregnant and I did something wrong?" "What if I miscarried?" "What if I can't have kids anymore?", I just kept asking myself those questions over and over making myself feel guilty when I wasn't even suppose to feel like that because all I did was blame myself.  In October it only got worse...I distanced myself from family, I would stop talking to both family and friends, stopped going out, (I would tell my husband I didn't feel good so we would stay home), and the worst is every little thing would annoy me and frustrate me to the point that I would get easily mad at my son for the littlest cry or even him laughing would make me cry and feel angry. November was very painful for me. I made myself sick sometimes, and I had 2 horrible panic attacks. One happened at home and I remember my mom being there. It was the worst feeling I've ever felt. I just broke down crying,felt scared, alone, it was hard to breath, and my heart was pounding because of how scared I was and I felt so nauseous. My second panic attack happened on the freeway I made my husband stop the car because I felt like I couldn't breath, this huge wave of nausea came to me. I needed out and I just wanted to go home. I also started having body aches, ulcers, and I wouldn't have a appetite. I would be scared to go out and have a panic attack in random places, and I would wake up with morning anxiety always questioning myself "Will I be okay today?", " Is something making sick?" "What if I have something that can kill me" I would worry so much about my family it was breaking us apart. My relationship was not healthy at one point things were going down hill fast and I really thought this is the end. December I realized I can't keep living like this and I need to get rid of this stress and deal with my anxiety... it's destroying me...it was really killing me. It was making me sick I WAS MAKING MYSELF SICK..it was giving me anxiety attacks..it was slowly turning into DEPRESSION.  I needed to do something I NEEDED TO FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH IT...and I did. I started leaving all my worries and started telling myself to stay positive. I started planning family time with my husband and son and started crafting more to get my mind off things. Things are not perfect but I am slowly getting better at dealing with my stress and anxiety. Since then things are now getting better for me, I've patched some holes in my relationship and doing the same with our family. Talking and praying to god has really helped me so much. I feel so much closer to him, I feel peaceful. I leave everything in his hands because he helped me overcome so much that has been going on in my life. I never thought I would write about my stress and anxiety, I am being really brave posting this because it's something very personal that I kept to myself. I always thought I was alone until I came across that one post and it really helped listening to others stories. I hope my story helps someone else too and if you too are dealing with anxiety and stress I am more then happy to talk and help. Don't worry be happy :)